One of the greatest things that’s happened to me like, ever, was that time I wrote a blog post about a Duran Duran song and someone in charge of their official twitter account read it and retweeted it. I’m sure the person behind this personal win of mine was some sad-faced publicist for the band languishing in a grim cubicle out in California. But, I prefer to believe that Simon Le Bon was chillin’ by a pool in the Mediterranean somewhere when he happened upon my humble corner of the internet and thought to himself, “This woman is brilliant! I must share her wisdom with the world.” In case you’re wondering, yes, I have this daydream a lot and no, I’m not proud of it.
I think the word you’re probably looking for as you try to picture me staring off into space mooning around over a tweet is awkward. I can own it. I’m a big girl. As a matter of fact, I’m quite accustomed to more than a casual participation in not only my own awkward moments, but also others’ as well. In my work as a couples therapist I have the happy responsibility of being a party to some of the most embarrassing and uncomfortable conversations folks ever have.
Therapy chats are never awkward because my clients are weirdos. Rather, these interactions feel strange because I am asking you to have the same conversations you always have in a new way. It’s fairly common for me to ask clients to reenact a conversation that seems to go around and around without resolution. Then, we begin to reshape that argument into a fertile ground for new understandings. Just as a spoiler, I tend to spend a lot of time encouraging new communication skills and interrupting some of your perfectly good points during this process. Folks can find participating in these reworked conversations scary for several very good reasons:
1) It feels weird
2) You can’t imagine that any new information can be mined from the same old conversation–even if it’s being had in a new way
3) If you suddenly participate in that conversation differently you worry that your partner will always demand this weird new way (that you’re not sure you can commit to yet)
4) You’re not sure you want to be vulnerable enough to have the conversation in a different way
5) You may have old communication habits from your life experiences or family or origin that contradict the new skills we’re developing
However, the good news is that everyone has the capacity to skillfully rework the manner in which they participate in their relationships. I have faith in you. So don’t worry that you’ll feel awkward when you come to couples therapy. I can guarantee you that you will. But, if you have the patience to tolerate the weird for a while who knows what great things can happen? Why don’t you come on in so we can talk about it.
Your Partner in Healing,
Are you looking for individual, couples or group therapy in Raleigh? Call me today to schedule a consultation to learn how counseling can help you. Please contact me at (919) 714-7455 or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Visit me on the web at www.lotustherapycenter.com or:
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